Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
