i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
