Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
