piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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