He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
