There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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