On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
