Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
