I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
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