so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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