dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
