playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We are all done wearing pants today
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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