3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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