i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
