Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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