what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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