Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
This baby is an asshole
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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