Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
