dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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