i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
