Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I think my nap took me to another dimension
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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