Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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