I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just invented taco cereal.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I am naked and annoyed.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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