I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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