he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize