do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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