My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
