dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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