i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
