I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
