You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
