Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
