Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
