Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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