My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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