i just wanna soil my oats bro
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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