normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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