Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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