just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
