He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
