she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
