ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
