I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
