I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
