my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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