May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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