I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
