He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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