Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
