Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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