overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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