He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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