are you so shy because you have an std?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
