I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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