Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
