apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
