Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
