listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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