So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
