Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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