I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
