He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize