I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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