Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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