do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
