I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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