im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
