He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
