Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize