I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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