You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
