By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
