I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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