What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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