At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
