Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize