How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
