Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
