never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
